


Nightmare in The Lilac

by tide_ms



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band), R.o.S.E Blue - Dreamcatcher (Music Video)
Genre: 5 Times, Angst, Ex-Girlfriends, F/F, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Treat, Virtual Reality, bad people doing bad things to people (background), unintentional self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:22:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29396187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tide_ms/pseuds/tide_ms
Summary: Five times Jiu tries to save Yoohyeon from the nightmare she's trapped in.
Relationships: Girl with gun/School girl, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	Nightmare in The Lilac

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lillypillylies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillypillylies/gifts).



> Sapphire is Yoohyeon's dog's full name.

It's been over four years since Jiu last saw Yoohyeon.

Her ex-girlfriend. They dated when Jiu was twenty-two and Yoohyeon twenty, then drifted apart when Jiu faced an existential crisis and instead of starting her career as a teacher, she went ahead and joined Investigators Academy outside the city.

  
Jiu doesn't remember her heart aching this much before.

Yoohyeon is currently submerged in glowing and thick lilac liquid; eyes closed, naked and pale and notably thin. There are straps around her torso and all the way to her thighs, there are two wires placed on her temples, connecting her consciousness to Rose City; an all-purpose virtual reality.

She's floating inside the compartment, her hair is stuck in an endlessly slow motion.

Jiu can't look away, and maybe she wouldn't have had Handong's voice not reach her through the in-ear.

"Look at the floor," Handong says, "the compartment's control panel is marked with a rose."

Jiu stutteringly moves, only for a moment. It's quiet all around her, two hundreds compartment of eerie quiet.

She crouches when she finds the rose and unpacks the equipment to connect it to the panel, it should allow her to enter Yoohyeon's simulation with her fake authorization.

Handong asks, "is it possible that she lied because her mother's against VRs?"

_Yoohyeon never lie to her mother._

Jiu's eyebrows twitch as forgotten love and yearning awaken and spread in her chest painfully fast.

They loved each other so much back then, as much as their immature and reckless and hormone-driven selves could love.

"Hey, focus." Handong is unfalteringly present. She isn't physically with her, but she is present, making sure Jiu isn't being unsettled by the fact that the person she once loved might be in danger.

 _Loves_ , Jiu hears a whisper.

Jiu breathes deeply. "Mrs. Kim never prohibited Yoohyeon from trying VR. She was strict about it, about what simulation Yoohyeon would play, but she wanted her to see for herself what's good and bad about it. There's no need for Yoohyeon to lie about it."

"Rose City isn't exactly famous for being a sane place," Handong points out.

"Even with that, she wouldn't lie—she _couldn't_ lie. She couldn't lie to save her life," Jiu replies defensively, which instantly embarrasses her.

She's acting unprofessionally when she has worked hard to earn respect and praise for her impeccable work as a private investigator.

Handong is right in what she isn't saying out loud.

She's being too close to this case already when barely six hours have passed since Yoohyeon's mother contacted her.

Too close that she can't even consider the years that have passed.

She doesn't know Yoohyeon anymore.

"Look, two of her classmates are dead, suspiciously dead," Jiu says, sitting on the floor at Yoohyeon's compartment. "Her mother would've known if she needed to escape reality to grieve and heal."

Jiu belatedly realizes the chill in the hall. "I'll ask," she continues, "if all is okay, I'll leave right away. She can deal with her mother later once the simulation ends."

"I'll take your word for it," Handong replies coldly. "Remember, time in there runs differently, but here, you have two minutes. I'll pull you out if you don't get out yourself. Without the Lilac to protect you, we can't risk more than two minutes."

"Got it," Jiu says as she puts on the head gear. Wires and metal; it's heavier than it looks.

Jiu settles comfortably, adjusting the harness of her weapons that's secured around her chest and the jacket of her suit.

The quiet of the hall is glaringly present; annoying.

"Okay, I'm ready."

"Good luck," Handong says, with rare gentleness. "Three, two—"

Jiu blinks and then there is brightness all around her. There is cold and quiet and mustiness in the air.

She perceives them through distance, like being inside a dream—a very vivid and palpable dream, but only a dream, nonetheless.

Jiu scowls, she's never liked VRs.

Her vision clears quickly; she's in a room, a class room; damaged and dusty. There's a mess of desks and chairs and papers.

And there is Yoohyeon, dressed in a school uniform, standing at the window.

"Yoohyeon?"

Yoohyeon doesn't flinch, but when she turns she looks confused.

She looks healthy here, only on first look.

Jiu immediately registers ache in her eyes, and unshed tears. She also notices the differences between this Yoohyeon and the one in her memories.

Shorter hair and prominent quiet. Hollowness under her eyes and a demeanor made of defeat.

"What, you forgot me?" Jiu asks gently as recognition remains absent from Yoohyeon's eyes.

Yoohyeon looks away.

"Mom knows."

Jiu walks over to her. She looks outside the window; there's nothing to see, just a normal school yard. No sign of other people with them, other consciousnesses.

"You thought she wouldn't? You lied to her about going in a vacation when you've never been a good liar," Jiu replies with a harmless note of jest. "What is this place?"

"A nightmare."

Jiu's brows furrow. "Nightmare Mode? Why?!"

"How long has it been?" Yoohyeon asks and her sadness echoes.

Jiu hesitantly reaches to hold her arm, their minds will register the touch.

And distant though it feels, Jiu isn't prepared for it.

Yoohyeon doesn't react to her touch, so Jiu pushes further; past the years of separation and disconnection between them.

She comes to stand in front of her, placing both hands on her shoulders. She squeezes, eager to give strength and reassurance.

Yoohyeon's gotten taller than her, Jiu's heart swells with unanticipated, familiar affection; or it would had this happened in the real world.

"Talk to me, why did you come here? What happened?"

Some people enter Nightmare Mode for the thrill or to face their fears. While others enter it to pay off their debts or... well, people come here to seek something. Something they need.

Jiu can tell that Yoohyeon isn't here for the thrill or facing fears.

"How long?"

Jiu's stomach twists at the plea in Yoohyeon's voice.

She realizes from the closeness that Yoohyeon's eyes are still the same. Still baring Yoohyeon's emotions and pain.

Yoohyeon was never good at hiding her feelings.

"Almost ten days."

"It's been two years here, I think. I tried not to lose count, I changed rooms, but..." Yoohyeon looks at her left.

Jiu follows her gaze to find lines drawn on the chalk-board.

Fear that Jiu isn't used to tugs at her heart.

"Hey, hey, I'm here," Jiu tells her, cupping her cheek softly. "I'm really here, got in without them knowing. Tell me what happ—"

Yoohyeon's skin is cold, Yoohyeon leans into her touch as though they were never apart.

Closing her eyes contentedly, she surprises Jiu.

Jiu needs to know what's happening, but she can't help taking Yoohyeon into a tight embrace.

She notes that Yoohyeon's scent is of chalk and dust, as though signifying the time that's passed.

"Yoohyeon, what happened?"

Yoohyeon is stiff in her arms. She murmurs, "don't come back, I have to be here. Sapphire."

  
Jiu gasps, she is back at the sleeping hall with Yoohyeon's last words sounding in her mind like an ominous dream.

Puzzled, Jiu stares the wall of glowing, occupied compartments in front of her.

"What the fuck happened?"

"She reset the simulation. Did she say anything specific? Rose City uses key words as commands for resetting and ending the simulation."

Immediately, Jiu says, "get me back in there."

"Jiu."

Just from that, Jiu knows Handong is against that. Rightly so; it's dangerous not only to enter a simulation without the Lilac, but also entering a simulation right after coming out of one.

Jiu gives her no time to object. "Now, Handong."

The second time, Jiu sees Yoohyeon sitting at one of the desks.

The place is still as bright as the first time, Yoohyeon is still as painfully calm as the first time.

Yoohyeon glances at her, face blank, then returns her gaze to the desk.

Jiu quickly examines the place. She peeks out the door and the hallway is dreadfully normal. Realistic.

She looks at the mess and at the teacher's desk, at the walls and the board, and there are a lot fewer lines drawn now. A lot.

"What trouble have you gotten into?" Jiu asks, turning to Yoohyeon.

She doesn't answer her.

Jiu walks over to her angrily, natural response for any trying case, but her heart shatters immediately by the presence of lifelessness all over Yoohyeon.

She crouches beside Yoohyeon and gently says in a resolute voice, "whatever it is, I can help."

Yoohyeon doesn't respond, her eyes do. They twitch momentarily.

Jiu caresses her arm. "Trust me, I've managed to get in here even though it's a highly secured facility and people can't just barge in into other people's simulations." She smiles, aiming to reassure and not brag. "I'm that good."

"Can you bring back the dead?" Yoohyeon asks with genuine hope in her eyes.

"What?" Jiu breathes out.

"I killed someone."

Jiu gapes at her, her shock prevents her from reacting before Yoohyeon whispers, pain and sorry drawing her expression, "I didn't mean to. I... please, don't come back. Don't come back."

"What, wait!

"Sapphire."

Thirty seconds later, real time in the real world, Jiu's glaring, completely unintentionally, at the people asleep in front of her.

There's pulsing in her head, deep and looming.

Handong says, "do I need to remind you that you aren't allowed to die or get brain damage?"

It's because the equipment Jiu's using leads to her.

"Let me try again."

  
Five seconds after that, Jiu's back at Yoohyeon's simulation and is fuming.

It's dark now, night time, with the brightest of full moons present outside the windows.

  
Yoohyeon now gives way to more emotions to show on her face when she sees her.

Annoyance or surprise or fear, maybe a tinge of each.

She's at the teacher's desk and Jiu walks over to her in quick steps.

"I told you not to come ba—"

Jiu doesn't want to hurt her in any way, not even with a word or a look, but she grips her and spins her and bends her over the desk.

Yoohyeon gasps and tenses up and weakly says, "no, wait!"

Jiu swiftly covers her mouth, forbidding her from uttering her key word again.

"I won't hurt you, but don't even think of kicking me out again," Jiu warns her, locking one of her hands in a grip. "I'll ask once and you will tell me everything."

First, Jiu regrets this already. But she can't treat this case with a heart that's surprisingly still filled with love for Yoohyeon.

Second, Jiu's mind acts up and shakes her composure.

With Yoohyeon's rapid breaths hitting her hand, their warmth fleeing into the cold of the nightmare, and with Yoohyeon whimpering and surrendering, their bodies fitting together in an unfamiliar, distractingly good way, it inappropriately brings up details about this moment that look like beautiful memories from the past; her pinning Yoohyeon to the bed in her dorm room while she fucked her lovingly. Yoohyeon sitting on her lap while they played games on Old World consoles with their mutual friends. Back-hugging Yoohyeon and teasing her with the words she liked to hear—

Jiu has no trouble quickly squashing down any effect these memories have on her, she is a professional.

Then her mind brings up Yoohyeon's height, and Jiu stutters.

Yoohyeon's gotten taller than her, of course she has. She's grown. Both of them have. They're no longer girls staggering through life of blurred colors and realities with the essential and inescapable hope that their lives mean something.

"I know about Jinho and Sora, is it about them?" Jiu asks, and like this whole moment hasn't been challenging, Yoohyeon cries and lowers her head in defeat, showing how broken she is.

Jiu's protectiveness soars, her reason falters momentarily, but she guards her heart as she removes her hand slowly. She keeps it on her chin, gentle.

She needs to know what happened if she wants to help her.

"I'm here to help, I promise I won't be mad at you," she coaxes. "Trust me, only your mother and my friend know I'm here."

"I... I was with my classmates," Yoohyeon starts shakily, paining Jiu's heart. "At the Ruins—we were just fooling around, daring each other to enter the big houses before we headed for the celebration, we weren't even supposed to be there, we--we went there on impulse. We didn't know the house was a site for Blue Industries, we didn't know until we were inside."

The agony in Yoohyeon's voice is nothing Jiu's ever heard before, and it unnerves her.

"They were supposed to be empty, scary places like the ones in bedtime stories. But we—we found people there, underground. Jinho—my friend, he recognized one of them. They... they were missing people, Jiu, they were inside Oddity. The VR game. They were the characters people are supposed to save and kill, the AI characters, but they weren't AI—Jiu, they were bound, in the Lilac, they were bound—their hands and legs. Their hands bound behind their backs."

Jiu listens, her caution slowly resolving into shock and nausea with every word Yoohyeon spills.

She's heard of Oddity before, the most successful VR game developed by one of the most praised VR companies.

"Suddenly there were guards and we were running away. It was so dark, the whole area is always dark but that night it was scary, Jiu."

Unthinkingly, Jiu caresses Yoohyeon's hand to comfort her.

She catches herself immediately, but doesn't stop. She squeezes, she strokes and holds her like she used to hold her.

"I—" Yoohyeon chokes on a sob. "And—and—I'm... I didn't mean to leave her behind, she tripped and fell and I could've helped her, but—but they had AI-hounds, and I couldn't—I didn't... I didn't want them to sense me." She tries her best to tell her everything, Jiu can feel that. "I was scared, and she—she was scared, too, I could see it, Jiu, I could see how scared she was when she looked at me before the—before the hounds got to her."

Yoohyeon weeps, her tears wet Jiu's hand. "They attacked her, they—they killed her!"

Heaviness doesn't lift off of Jiu's heart, it grows and turns suffocating.

 _Yoohyeon doesn't deserve this nightmare,_ she thinks selfishly.

Jiu releases her, then, but only so she can hug her.

"Yoo, it wasn't your fault."

"It was! It was... I could've saved her! I could've tried..."

  
Jiu holds her with everything she's got. Without judgement or analysis, she's gotten enough to understand why Yoohyeon is here. In Nightmare.

So she holds her tight as they crumble to the floor, she hugs her as though she hasn't forgotten how to hug her. She breathes her in, and sadness and ache pull at her heartstrings when she still doesn't find her sweet scent.

Jiu doesn't speak until Yoohyeon calms.

"You're punishing yourself, is that it?"

Yoohyeon sniffs against her shoulder, then nods.

Jiu strokes her back, sighing.

Yoohyeon presses her face to into her neck, digging her fingers into her, then abruptly stops and pulls back. She sits upright and wipes her tears.

Jiu is slow to withdraw her hands.

"The next day, her body and..." Yoohyeon's throat bobs, more pain appears on her lovely face. "...and Jinho's were discovered near the river. Miles away from the Ruins," she informs her. "They—Blue Industries, they didn't report us or come after us, and I don't know why. They didn't do anything, weeks passed and none of us got in trouble or... or hurt."

Naturally, Jiu quickly has several explanations to that, but she keeps her focus on Yoohyeon.

"So we stayed quiet," Yoohyeon murmurs, ashamed.

Jiu clenches her jaw.

"Did your classmates see what happened to Sora or Jinho?"

"I don't know, we got separated, and we didn't talk much after... after—I know two left the city," Yoohyeon says, then suddenly, she rushes to her feet.

"I couldn't risk mom's safety, I—I..." She's trembling as she says, "it'd break her heart if she knew what I did, I couldn't tell her."

 _And you couldn't live with the guilt, either,_ Jiu wants to hold her again. To comfort her and tell her it's okay, it'll be fine.

She knows she's been thoughtless, disrespectful to a stranger that might've been as pure-hearted and guileless as Yoohyeon is.

 _Is_.

Jiu has to resist the love she unexpectedly still has for Yoohyeon from bursting and taking a hold of her and clouding her judgement with its eternal warmth. It's a fabricated feeling, an illusion; outside the simulation she isn't feeling that warmth.

Jiu gets up and finally says, "Yoohyeon, you didn't do anything wrong."

Yoohyeon doesn't answer her, she tidies her clothes and fixes her hair with a shaky hand.

"Hey." Jiu goes to her. "You have to stop this, you're hurting yourself for absolutely no reason."

"I'm not hurting myself, this is the right thing to do," Yoohyeon replies flatly, not looking at her.

Jiu shouldn't be upset by that, but maybe she is. Pettily so because she cares about Yoohyeon.

She still cares about her deeply.

"Your mother is extremely worried, Yoohyeon, and knowing you're in Nightmare, torturing yourself, _will_ break her heart."

"No, it won't because you will not tell her what I'm doing here!" Yoohyeon faces her. "You have to leave now, I chose this, I chose to hide it from her, you don't get to tell her or do anything about it."

"I am not going to lie to her," Jiu replies unfalteringly. "She officially hired me, to bring you back; save you because she thought you were in trouble."

Yoohyeon glares at her until Jiu thinks she'll kick her out of the simulation again, and in fact, Jiu can do that to her, too. She'll have to kill her, though. One of the ways to end a simulation is for the player to die, but Jiu now doesn't want to use that.

Jiu is surprised when Yoohyeon's glare dissolves into a look of pain and desperation.

"Please don't tell her, it's my problem and I will deal with it my way."

"How when you're risking your sanity and mental health?! Nightmare Mode has the risk of mind deterioration and a long list of side effects, Yoohyeon. And no one will take responsibility if something happens to you."

"It's my decision," Yoohyeon says determinedly, familiar strength shining so bright in her eyes. "I won't ever forgive you if you tell her."

Familiar but different at the same time; fiercer, mature.

Yoohyeon looks away. "If you come back again, I'll reset it, I'll spend more time here than I'm supposed to. That's on you."

That irritates Jiu, but Yoohyeon kicks her out before she can say anything more.

  
In the real world, beside the glowing Lilac where Yoohyeon is suspended in, Jiu is hunched over on the floor. Head spinning and vision bleary.

"Slow and deep breaths," Handong tries to guide her through it, but Jiu is already telling her everything Yoohyeon has.

  
It takes them almost fifteen minutes to find everything they can and go through everything they have.

Fifteen minutes in which Jiu spends achingly worrying about Yoohyeon and the unreal passing of time inside the simulation. _The reset won't make her forget she spent time in there._

  
When she enters Yoohyeon's nightmare again, Jiu is careful.

  
Sitting under the window, Yoohyeon doesn't look at her.

Jiu looks at the board, and the wall of lines practically punches her in the gut. She looks at Yoohyeon again, and her heart is filled with regrets for being rough the previous time.

Jiu goes to sit beside her, leaving a small space between them to not startle the younger woman.

She doesn't want that space, but Yoohyeon clearly wants it. Hiding inside a virtual reality says so.

  
Yoohyeon doesn't react to her.

"We looked up what happened," Jiu informs her. "You've just graduated with a master degree in engineering, and the first thing you do is uncovering one of the worst and most sinister crimes in our time? Assuming you got it right."

In spite of the pain seizing her chest, Jiu smiles gently.

"At least tell me you'd partied like crazy once?"

Still no reaction from Yoohyeon, her blinking and rising and falling chest are the only signs of life on her.

Jiu sighs.

"What do you know about Eyes?"

Yoohyeon reacts to that. She seems to be considering the question, so Jiu leans back on the wall, taking her in with her eyes.

There are tiny movements to Yoohyeon that match Jiu's memories, her honest eyes do, too—Jiu missed those eyes, she wants to see them properly and keep looking at them and maybe kiss them.

Jiu missed her, and for that, she has to force herself to stop thinking about Yoohyeon intimately.

She speaks when Yoohyeon seems unable to. "A radical group so vocal about how amoral virtual realities and the companies making them are." She adds, "one of your classmates is a member. Who suggested the trip to The Ruins? Was it Piri?"

After a moment, Yoohyeon nods.

"Most people don't take Eyes seriously, they're seen as paranoid and old fashioned," Jiu tells her. "But some VR companies seem to be cautious of them, so we assume Blue Industries already know who is and isn't involved with Eyes, hurting any of you would've given Eyes leverage. And Eyes haven't come forward yet about missing people and freaky crimes done in The Ruins."

Yoohyeon is shocked.

Jiu is relieved by that, by the appearance of emotions.

"She tricked us to go there?"

Jiu shrugs her shoulder. "We'll need to do proper research, but oblivious graduates going into an adventure is a good cover, I'd say. And no one would've believed you had you gone to the police, which you couldn't because you did trespass into a private property, whether you knew it beforehand or not, you'd have been jailed or at least fined. We assume Blue Industries relied on that."

Yoohyeon hugs her knees to her chest, falling in deep thoughts as her jaw remains slack, and again, Jiu finds herself wanting to keep looking at her, to comfort her, to know her all over again.

Is it possible? After all those years, is it possible to still be in love with her?

Jiu blinks, turning away.

She can't possibly be thinking about that right now. Yoohyeon probably no longer loves her or has any feeling for her.

 _Embarrassing_ , Jiu thinks to herself.

  
"Is mom okay?" Yoohyeon asks.

"Scared, but yes, she's okay."

"Can you leave now?"

Uncharacteristically, Jiu tenses up. She can't leave, she can't possibly leave Yoohyeon here.

She has to get to her.

Her mind races with thoughts, but suddenly, she remembers something that gets the regret in her heart to burn her.

"I'm sorry," Jiu says. "About the previous time. I held you down and you must've been hurt and scared, I'm sorry."

Surprisingly, Yoohyeon reacts to that. She hums.

Jiu's eyebrows twitch. "Did I... hurt you?"

"Reset," Yoohyeon mumbles. That's a yes, and it easily shakes Jiu's composure that she's worked hard to strengthen to succeed as a P.I.

"Scare you?"

Yoohyeon pouts fleetingly as she keeps looking ahead, Jiu's heart jumps.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," Jiu says, her hand trembles.

She wants to hug Yoohyeon with all the gentleness she's got, she wants to give it all to her, show her she won't ever do that again.

"I had to do it, otherwise you'd have kicked me out again and I couldn't afford that, I needed to know what happened so I can help you," Jiu explains, and though she feels twinges of patheticness and embarrassment to have to excuse doing her job, she continues because it's Yoohyeon and she is sorry. "But... I won't do it ever again, I won't ever hurt you, Yoohyeon."

Yoohyeon looks at her reproachingly, and Jiu almost forgets how to breathe. As silly as that might sound while in VR.

She was never good at resisting Yoohyeon.

Jiu gingerly reaches out to hold Yoohyeon's hand. "Okay? I'm here for you and I won't—"

"Stop." Yoohyeon pulls her hand, and Jiu readily withdraws hers. "I know what you're doing, so stop and leave."

"What?"

"You're trying to trick me into stopping the simulation, you think I'd change my mind just because I once loved you," Yoohyeon says hotly. "Just leave!"

Unknowingly, Yoohyeon's just confirmed that love is no longer something she feels for her, so Jiu quickly collects her heart.

Yoohyeon doubting her sincerity hurts, however.

"I meant every word I've just said, Yoohyeon, and yes, I still want you to end this fucking nightmare," Jiu replies in the same tone. "It's madness, and it won't give you the salvation you think it would."

"You don't know that!"

"Oh, I know." Their voices feel sonorous in the empty school, but Yoohyeon's pain echoes longer. "I know because this is not you facing reality and what happened, it's you escaping it! Literally!"

Tears well up in Yoohyeon's eyes as she purses her lips shut, and all the intensity Jiu's feeling vaporizes.

She surges forward and hugs Yoohyeon tightly.

"Please," she says desperately, "you are hurting yourself, and your mother."

Yoohyeon is stiff in her arms, silent and shaking.

"If you truly want to make amends, you'll go back to the real world where the real pain is," Jiu tells her gently, her affection and love not one bit lessened. "Waking up every morning and experiencing life, real life with its joys and trivial sadness and everything it has to offer you, while knowing you didn't try to save her is how you face it, Yoohyeon."

Yoohyeon whimpers, suddenly grasping her and burying her face in her neck.

Jiu senses fear and pain in the way she clings onto her for dear life.

"End it, please end it," Jiu pleads as Yoohyeon tries her best to hold back her sobs. "I'll be with you throughout it all—baby, please, I promise I'll be by yo—"

Yoohyeon gasps, pushing her off.

Jiu looks at her, shocked and concerned. Then she realizes the pet name she's used.

She sees shock on Yoohyeon's face, too, she sees anguish before the younger woman resets the simulation again, throwing her out of it. Again.

Jiu hears Handong's voice, but she can't comprehend anything beyond the pounding in her head and the sickening heaviness of her body that's stuck in an uncomfortable angle.

She can't open her eyes, she can't remove the headset.

Handong keeps calling her and Jiu untimely thinks she hears worry in her voice. Maybe a warning, too.

"I'm fine," she finally replies, throat dry.

"You are not!"

"You sound worried." Jiu smiles weakly.

"About me? Yes!"

Jiu chuckles. "Truly, I'm fine. Get me back in there."

"No."

"Handong."

"No."

Jiu groans as she tries to move. She takes off the headset, and with difficulty, she massages her head. There's searing heat inside it, and some other time, it would worry Jiu, but right now, her thoughts are all about Yoohyeon, as incomprehensible as they are.

"I'm close to talk her into ending it, I know I'm close. I think she's afraid to do so and wants to leave, otherwise she'd have kicked me out the moment she saw me. I need to go back in there."

"Absolutely not, your brain will be fried."

"It's really not up to you."

"You don't know how to work the headset, so it is in fact up to me."

Jiu clenches her jaw, irritation rising. (It's somehow a good thing, it clears up the mess inside her head.)

She knows Handong's fears, and she knows she's risking her health by the repetitive experiencing of VR with no Lilac and not enough resting periods in between.

"One minute, and you will get me back in there. I'm not losing her again."

Jiu gets up, grunting. She supports herself on the wall and the glass of the compartment; she looks at sleeping Yoohyeon, and the sight tugs at her heart.

 _I'm not losing her again_ , she repeats inside her head and it hits her what that means.

She regretted leaving Yoohyeon, some time after the academy's harsh training forced her to calm and see that sometimes making the best of each day is a good meaning to life. She regretted that she hadn't asked for a break, just a break and not a break up. Just some time and space. She regretted it so much and missed Yoohyeon so much that she couldn't be with anyone for nearly a year and half.

"She's afraid, she's just afraid and blinded by guilt, Handong," Jiu speaks weakly, resting her forehead on the cool glass. "Blinded and severely burdened by it when she's done nothing wrong."

"To her, she has."

Jiu takes deep breaths, she checks the time and they still have most of the hour until her fake staff clearance terminates.

"And you? What do you think?"

Handong takes her time to answer, leaving Jiu alone with the heavy silence of the hall.

"It's not wrong to panic, or look after one's self. It's human nature."

"There it is again, you speaking like an AI, further proving that you are one."

"I'm not an AI," Handong replies, clearly annoyed, "and I haven't agreed on letting you back in, you know."

Jiu doesn't have the energy nor the heart to bicker with her while Yoohyeon is suffering. She returns to her spot beside the compartment with less difficulty, she wears the headset, takes a deep breath and says, "I'm ready."

"Last chance, Jiu."

"I'll get her out of there."

  
It's a different time of the day again, and for some reason, that fuels Jiu's anger.

The simulation is too realistic. With its current vivid orange and faint red of the sunset, it's painfully realistic.

She finds Yoohyeon in front of the window again, trembling and whimpering and hunched over.

Jiu goes to her without hesitation.

Yoohyeon notices her and weakly says, with eyes swollen and red from crying and an arm stretched out to prevent Jiu from holding her, "no, no."

"I'm not leaving you here," Jiu says firmly, making no attempt to touch her.

"I don't deserve help!" Yoohyeon fists her jacket wretchedly, lowering her head in shame. "I don't. Why do you keep coming back?"

"Because you do deserve it, and you do deserve to live happily," Jiu replies, and when Yoohyeon shakes her head, she adds, "do you really think they wouldn't have killed you, too? Had they caught you, had the AI-hounds sniffed you, you'd have been killed, too, Yoohyeon. You saved yourself, and there's no shame in that."

"But I could've tried!" Yoohyeon wants to cling to her, wants to hold on for her life and sanity, Jiu could tell from her grip on her chest and her heartbreaking sobs. "I—I can run fast—I could've run to her quickly, so why didn't I try?!"

Jiu can't handle seeing Yoohyeon in pain, so she reaches out and wraps her arms around her tightly, reassuringly. It instantly proves to be the right thing to do because Yoohyeon is close to collapsing in her arms. "You were scared, you were justifiably scared, Yoohyeon. And even if you weren't, the two of you couldn't have outrun the AI-hounds. You're only alive because she fell and they fixated on her, that's the painful truth."

Yoohyeon weeps again, breaking Jiu's heart. "I'm sorry," she says, she says it over and over again.

Jiu lets her. "I know, I know." As the illusionary sun goes down and night falls in place, she keeps her embrace unfaltering, safe, warm.

  
When Yoohyeon composes herself, a while later, she avoids Jiu's eyes. She sniffs and wipes her face, and all of it bares how fragile she is right now.

Jiu protectively strokes her hair. "I've got you, okay?"

"I can't end the nightmare," Yoohyeon murmurs, and before Jiu can react, possibly with despair and impatience, Yoohyeon adds, "I didn't set a key word to end it, just reset. Reset is mandatory, we don't have to use it but we can. To protect our minds."

Jiu sighs. "Okay, okay." She removes her hands to pull out her gun. "We'll have to do this hard way, do you understand what that means? It'll hurt, but you'll be free and on the other side. I'll be there, too, okay? Ending your simulation will automatically kick me out."

Yoohyeon nods along.

Jiu loses her focus; how is she supposed to hurt Yoohyeon after all that she's learned.

Simulation or an illusion or whatever.

Jiu considers holding her comfortingly again, as Yoohyeon glances at her with tearful eyes, she contemplates on the least painful way to go about this.

She doesn't know, she really doesn't.

"How many times have you used reset?" She asks, distracting them both.

"Four."

Jiu gapes at her, then has to purse her lips tightly because anger and fear spiral out of control within her.

Scolding is the last thing she should do right now.

She makes to hold her, but hesitates. She hesitates until she realizes that she's recognizing the Yoohyeon standing in front of her right now.

Her withdrawn posture as she hugs herself tells of Yoohyeon's need for shelter, the fear and loss in her eyes call for her, her shaking frame begs for her warmth, so Jiu hugs her with her free hand.

She doesn't mean for their faces to be so close, but when Yoohyeon's breaths fan over face, she squeezes her strongly. And when she does that, Yoohyeon hesitantly touches her.

Jiu encourages her; she strokes her with her thumb and briefly nuzzles at her temple. "You'll be fine, okay?"

That works, Yoohyeon gingerly holds her shoulders, then with a shaky breath and an eager step, she wraps her arms around her neck securely. She hides her face there, too.

Jiu smiles lovingly. "Everything will be fine," she says, pointing the gun at her heart. "When you wake up, you'll be in my arms." Yoohyeon hugs her tighter. "Really in my arms, in the real world, yeah?"

Yoohyeon nods frantically.

Jiu swallows thickly, then closes her eyes.

It takes the Lilac one minute to lose its glow, and another to turn sheer, watery, and as it drains, Yoohyeon is left with the support of the straps only.

Jiu stands at the compartment with dizziness gnawing at her head and painful breathlessness seizing her chest.

And fear driving her heart mad.

Handong is calming her, telling her that the process to end the simulation is going smoothly with unfalteringly confident voice. It helps, but Jiu won't relax until she sees Yoohyeon's beautiful and vivid eyes. _Real_ eyes.

When the glass finally moves to the side, allowing her entry to Yoohyeon, she quickly unfastens the straps and holds her.

 _She's light_ , Jiu notes as her knees buckle.

She has a blanket in her backpack, but she thinks it can wait. She holds Yoohyeon in her lap safely and is alarmed by the marks that the straps have left. _Bruises_.

"Yoo," Jiu calls, stroking the younger woman's wet cheek. "I'm here. Baby, please, come on. Come back."

"Her vitals are normal, wait, just wait," Handong says softly.

Jiu scoffs, or maybe whimpers. Yoohyeon looks painfully out of it. Limb and vulnerable.

Then she comes to. Her brows twitch, and relief washes over Jiu.

"Fuck, come on, Yoo, you can do it!"

As though she's heard her, Yoohyeon coughs the liquid. Jiu holds her properly, securely.

As though she's felt her possibly trivial need, Yoohyeon opens her eyes. They're bleary, but Jiu cherishes them anyway.

"Hey, hey," Jiu says softly, tears welling up in her eyes.

Tears well up in Yoohyeon's eyes. "Jiu?"

"I'm here, I'm here—You're safe."

Yoohyeon presses her face into her chest. Her movement is weak and shaky, but Jiu hugs her tight. "You're safe."

Yoohyeon nods, she cries.


End file.
